
Dr. Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. (Clinical Psychology, City University of New York; M.A. Educational Psychology, Columbia University Teachers College), was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, the second of two daughters. Her parents, Archie and Rose Goldhor, were both children of Russian-Jewish immigrant parents. They were high school graduates who wanted their daughters to "be someone" at a time when women were only supposed to "find someone." "Achievement was next to Godliness for my sister, Susan, and me." Harriet notes. "My father would talk about ‘My daughters the doctors’ while we were still in our strollers." Growing up, Harriet and Susan spent weekends at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, the Brooklyn Public Library and the Brooklyn Museum. "These places were free and just a subway token away." Lerner's mother had an unwavering belief in her daughters and strong principles about how to raise children. In Harriet's words: "Even during the hardest economic times my mother, Rose, made sure that Susan and I had four things that she believed were essential to our later success: 1. Good shoes (I don't mean stylish) 2. A firm, quality mattress 3. A top pediatrician (none other than Doctor Benjamin Spock); 4. A therapist Unlike other parents of the day who considered therapy to be a last resort of the mentally ill, my mother thought it was a learning experience. She put me in therapy before I was three, after obtaining a health insurance policy that provided weekly therapy sessions for one dollar. I later joked that my mother would send me to a therapist if I came home from school with anything less than a B plus. I was exaggerating, but only a little bit. " Her mother's belief in therapy undoubtedly contributed to Lerner's career choice. She decided to become a clinical psychologist before finishing kindergarten - a decision she never veered from. EDUCATION AND CAREER Lerner attended local public schools in Brooklyn including Midwood High School. She did her undergraduate work at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, where she majored in psychology and Indian studies. She spent her junior year studying and doing research in Delhi, India. Lerner received an M.A. in educational psychology from Teachers' College of Columbia University and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the City University of New York. It was there that she met and later married Steve Lerner, also a clinical psychologist. Harriet and Steve did a pre-doctoral internship at Mt. Zion Hospital in San Francisco and moved to Topeka, Kansas in 1972 for a two-year postdoctoral training program at the Menninger Foundation, where they subsequently joined the staff. "We always planned to move back to Berkeley or New York,” says Lerner. “But two years in Topeka turned into two decades - and then some.” She now identifies herself as a Kansan and claims to have overcome her coastal arrogance. She has grown to love the simple life (meaning she has never had to learn to parallel park) and the big open skies. After Menninger closed shop in Topeka and moved to Houston, Lerner and her husband moved to Lawrence, Kansas where they currently have a private practice. They have two sons, Matt and Ben. Lerner is best known for her scholarly work on the psychology of women and family relationships, and for her many best-selling books. Feminism and family systems theory continue to inform her writing. She has dedicated her writing life to translating complex theory into accessible and useful prose, and has become one of our nation's most trusted and respected relationship experts. Lerner's books have been published in more than thirty-five foreign editions. Her latest book (January 2012) is Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up. HONORS AND AWARDS (PARTIAL LISTING) New York Distinguished Honor, National Anger Management Association Kansas Distinguished Award for Literature William Allen
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 4.0 ⭐
• 2 recommendations ❤️
"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 4.3 ⭐
• 2 recommendations ❤️
Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language—I’m sorry—and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies—and why some people won’t give them—for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we’ve inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful “I’m sorry” and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury.Why Won’t You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party—the one who has been hurt by someone who won’t apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 4.3 ⭐
• 2 recommendations ❤️
Coupling up is complicated—Dr. Harriet Lerner’s marriage rules are not. This marriage book provides couple’s therapy in a unique format perfect for today’s world. The renowned author of The Dance of Anger gives readers more than one hundred rules that cover all the hot spots in long-term relationships.Marriage Rules offers new relationship advice to age-old problems (“He won’t talk”/“She doesn’t want sex”) as well as modern ones (your partner’s relationship to technology). If one person in a couple follows ten rules of his or her choice, it will generate a major, positive change. All that’s required is a genuine wish for a better relationship and a willingness to practice.Marriage Rules is a treasure chest of lively, practical advice to help you navigate your relationships issues with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 4.0 ⭐
In The Dance of Intimacy, the bestselling author of The Dance of Anger outlines the steps to take so that good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones can be healed. Taking a careful look at those relationships where intimacy is most challenged--by distance, intensity, or pain--she teaches us about the specific changes we can make to achieve a more solid sense of self and a more intimate connectedness with others. Combining clear advice with vivid case examples, Dr. Lerner offers us the most solid, helpful book on intimate relationships that both women and men may ever encounter.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 4.0 ⭐
In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when:- We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable.- We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate.- We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior.- We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation.- We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our "bottom line."- We are convinced that we've tried everything -- and nothing changes.Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new "voice lessons" that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 4.0 ⭐
Unhappiness, says bestselling author Harriet Lerner, is fueled by three key anxiety, fear, and shame. They are the uninvited guests in our lives. When tragedy or hardship hits, they may become our constant companions. Anxiety can wash over us like a tidal wave or operate as a silent thrum under the surface of our daily lives. With stories that are sometimes hilarious and sometimes heartbreaking, Lerner takes us from "fear lite" to the most difficult lessons the universe sends us. We No one signs up for anxiety, fear, and shame, but we can’t avoid them either. As we learn to respond to these three key emotions in new ways, we can live more fully in the present and move into the future with courage, clarity, humor, and hope. Fear and Other Uninvited Guests shows us how.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 4.0 ⭐
When The Dance of Deceptionwas published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. "Well, I don't do deception" was a common resonse.We all "do deception", often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deceptionunravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real -- even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave -- but misguided -- efforts to tell the truth.Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women's lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of "honesty", we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling.Sometimes Lerner's advice takes a surprising turn -- for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something "more real"; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a "hot issue" without laying the necessary groundwork first.Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of "being oneself", Lerner helps us to discover, speak and live our own truths.
From the celebrated author of The Dance of Anger comes an extraordinary book about mothering and how it transforms us -- and all our relationships -- inside and out. Written from her dual perspective as a psychologist and a mother, Lerner brings us deeply personal tales that run the gamut from the hilarious to the heart-wrenching. From birth or adoption to the empty nest, The Mother Dance teaches the basic lessons of motherhood: that we are not in control of what happens to our children, that most of what we worry about doesn't happen, and that our children will love us with all our imperfections if we can do the same for them. Here is a gloriously witty and moving book about what it means to dance the mother dance.
Libro usado en buenas condiciones, por su antiguedad podria contener señales normales de uso
Franny B. Kranny loved her long frizzy hair. The longer and frizzier it got, the more she liked it!
With wit, wisdom and uncommon sense, Dr. Harriet Lerner gives readers the tools to solve problems and create joy, meaning and integrity in their relationships. Women will find Life Preservers (more than 40,000 copies sold in hardcover) to be an invaluable motivational guide that covers the landscape of work and creativity, anger and intimacy, friendship and marriage, children and parents, loss and betrayal, sexuality and health and much more. With new insights and a results-oriented approach, Dr. Lerner answers women’s most frequently asked questions and offers the best advice for problems women face today: I always pick the wrong guys.Should I move in with him?I can’t stand my boss.Should I leave my marriage?How can I recover from his affair?Is my fantasy abnormal?Is my therapy working?I miss my mother.I can’t believe I was fired.
In this bold look at women and the psychotherapists who work with them, Harriet G. Lerner, Ph.D., a nationally acclaimed expert and bestselling author, analyzes more recent feminist interpretations, critiques and challenges traditional notions of female psychology, and illustrates how current theory can be transformed into effective therapy. Combing superb scholarship with lively prose, Dr. Lerner makes psychoanalytic and family systems theory accessible to all women who have questioned the common yet enduring myths about their personalities and have sought a better understanding of themselves.
With an intriguing grasp of human dynamics, Dr. Lerner illustrates how intense family and social pressures sabotage mother-daughter dialogue. Instead of condemning our mothers for disappointing us, Dr. Lerner shows how listeners can develop a genuine appreciation for the differences. When a daughter begins to know her mother as a real person, she gains genuine tools for taking charge of her own life.
Ati suferit de pe urma unei persoane care v-a ranit? Sau i-ati provocat cuiva o suferinta? Tuturor ni s-a intamplat, caci interactiunile umane mai putin placute fac parte din viata. Dar ce se intampla atunci cand cel care a comis o tradare, a adus o ofensa ori a creat un inconvenient nu cere scuze si nu se caieste? Cartea aceasta explica procesul iertarii, din perspectiva ambelor parti implicate. Pe de o parte, cel ranit are nevoie sa-i fie validata durerea, sa iasa la lumina adevarul, iar ofensatorul sa-si exprime regretul. Pe de alta parte, cel care a provocat durerea poate avea nevoie sa refaca relatia cu partea lezata, sa-i redobandeasca increderea si sa se impace cu sine. Harriet Lerner ne de ce unii oameni nu cer niciodata iertare; cum se face ca cei mai rai dintre agresori nu au vreodata remuscari; in ce fel adanceste rana o scuza falsa; cand e cazul sa acceptam o scuza autentica; cum sa evitam atitudinea defensiva, daca suntem acuzati pe nedrept; de ce nu avem nevoie sa iertam, ca sa putem merge mai departe; cat este de firesc sa nu iertam in totalitate pe cineva; care sunt caile de a ne gasi pacea mintii, chiar daca nu am iertat... ...si multe alte concluzii contraintuitive, pe care ea le-a descoperit dupa ce a intors pe toate fetele procesul iertarii si scuzele. In paginile cartii vom gasi povesti de viata captivante si concluzii teoretice solide pentru ceea ce inseamna psihologia iertarii. Cu intelepciune si umor, Harriet Lerner ne pune la dispozitie un ghid salvator, astfel incat sa putem depasi orice situatie problematica. Daca vreti sa stiti de ce Harriet Lerner este una dintre eroinele mele, atunci Psihologia iertarii este raspunsul. Aceasta carte schimba regulile jocului. Dr. Brene Brown, profesor universitar si cercetator Traim intr-o lume in care vorbim de credinta, dar nu stim sa-i urmam pildele. Ii judecam pe altii mult prea aspru, dar nu ne privim obiectiv in oglinda. Vorbim despre toleranta, dar stim mai bine decat orice sa fim neiertatori. Iertarea vine mult mai usor cand ai rabdarea de a intelege. Iar cea mai grea dintre toate pare a fi iertarea de sine. Ca si cand ar fi gasit o cheie magica ce deschide un lacat si o usa dincolo de care se ascund toate raspunsurile atat de mult cautate pana acum, dr. Harriet Lerner face minuni pentru cititorul ce se regaseste atat de profund in cuvintele ei. Ele nu suna doar bine, ci, mai important decat orice, ofera solutii. Andreea Marin, life coach, personalitate me
When Rosie accidentally swallows an apple seed, her big sister Katie tells her that before long apple tree branches will bloom right out of her ears. Soon Rosie is imagining both the hazards and delights of having branches growing from her ears, and Katie is learning how fast a little white lie can grow. Written by bestselling author and psychologist, Harriet Lerner, and her big sister, Susan Goldhor, with delightfully funny illustrations by Catharine O'Neill, this is a special story about straying from the truth, forgiveness, and the boundless powers of a child's imagination. 1996 ‘Pick of the Lists' (ABA) Children's Choice Award winner for 2002.
Aceeasi autoare ce a publicat cartile bestseller Dansul fricii si De ce nu vrem iertarea? ne ofera acum o carte despre ce inseamna sa fii mama si cum te transforma asta, pe dinauntru si pe dinafara impreuna cu tot sistemul tau de relationare. Scriind din dubla perspectiva de psiholog si de mama, Lerner ne impartaseste povesti din istoria ei profund personala, care traverseaza toata gama de emotii de la hilar pana la inima franta. Incepand cu nasterea sau adoptia si sfarsind cu acel cuib parasit din care au plecat copiii deveniti tineri adulti, avem in fata o carte induiosatoare si plina de duh, despre ce inseamna sa fii o mama imperfecta. Dr. Dr. M-am vazut pe mine insami in aproape fiecare pagina efectul a fost ca am dat din cap aprobator, am ras si... m-am infiorat! Dr. Brene Brown, profesor universitar si cercetator Dr. In Confesiunile unei mame imperfecte, nu exista greseli in parenting, ci doar experiente relatate cu un grozav simt al umorului. Dr. Benjamin Spock, pediatru, profesor si cercetator Dr. Ce cadou! Am adorat Confesiunile unei mame imperfecte. Cartea e minunata, autentica, rascolitoare, pragmatica, spirituala si salvatoare pentru psihic. Am ras in hohote cu apreciere, surprindere si gratitudine. Anne Lamott, scriitoare Dr. Considerata una dintre cele mai influente voci ale lumii, cand vine vorba despre cultivarea relatiilor sanatoase, dr. Lerner ne reaminteste in aceasta carte-fenomen ca, atunci cand ne referim la parenting, nu exista perfectiune. Ba chiar mai mult decat atat, mama, tatal si copilul sunt fiinte minunat de imperfecte. Dedicata cu precadere mamelor, cartea este un text de referinta pentru toti taticii care cred in #puterearelatiilor si care sunt constienti de faptul ca nimeni si nimic nu poate suplini absenta lor. Gaspar Gyorgy, autorul cartii Revolutia iubirii Dr. Lerner scrie cu farmec, precizie si cu o sinceritate uneori aproape insuportabila despre ce inseamna sa fii mama. Ea insasi e mama, terapeut si o femeie inteleapta. Aceasta carte ne arata calea. Dr. Mary Pipher, psiholog Dr. Fiecare capitol al cartii isi merita banii. Gloria Steinem, jurnalista Dr. Una dintre cele mai intelepte si mai oneste carti despre parenting, pe care le-am citit. Ca parinte, am savurat una dupa alta povestile si observatiile ei. Dr. Thomas Moore, psihoterapeut si scriitor Dr. Dr. O carte despre parenting scrisa cu pricepere si fara aroganta din experienta de mama, fiica si psiholog a autoarei Harriet Lerner. Scrisa cu o
Focuses on women and intimacy in important relationships, offering advice on overcoming obstacles such as self sacrifice, conflict, and too much intensity.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 3.8 ⭐
A guide for women explains the causes and patterns of female anger and provides alternatives for forging more powerful relationships.
“If you want to know why Harriet Lerner is one of my great heroes, Why Won’t You Apologize? is the answer. This book is a game changer.” —Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Rising Strong “Harriet Lerner is one hell of a wise woman. She draws you in with deft and engaging prose, and then changes your life with her rigorous intelligence and her deeply human advice. I promise that you will never see ‘the apology’ in quite the same way.” —Esther Perel, MA, LMFT author of Mating in Captivity Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language—I’m sorry—and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.Dr. Harriet Lerner has been studying apologies—and why some people won’t give them—for more than two decades. Now she offers compelling stories and solid theory that bring home how much the simple apology matters and what is required for healing when the hurt we’ve inflicted (or received) is far from simple. Readers will learn how to craft a deeply meaningful “I’m sorry” and avoid apologies that only deepen the original injury. Why Won’t You Apologize? also addresses the compelling needs of the injured party—the one who has been hurt by someone who won’t apologize, tell the truth, or feel remorse. Lerner explains what drives both the non-apologizer and the over-apologizer, as well as why the people who do the worst things are the least able to own up. She helps the injured person resist pressure to forgive too easily and challenges the popular notion that forgiveness is the only path to peace of mind. With her trademark humor and wit, Lerner offers a joyful and sanity-saving guide to setting things right.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 4.3 ⭐
Sommige mensen zeggen overal sorry voor, terwijl anderen het juist niet uit hun mond kunnen krijgen. Harriet Lerner onderzoekt al haar hele carrière de excuses in al zijn facetten en heeft een overtuigende theorie ontwikkeld over wat beide kampen drijft. ‘Het spijt me’ zeggen heeft pas betekenis als degene die sorry zegt dat op een oprechte manier doet. Halve of neppe excuses (‘Het spijt me als ik je heb gekwetst’) kunnen de pijn juist verergeren, terwijl een werkelijk betekenisvolle manier van spijt betuigen relaties kan redden.Lerner gaat in op wat goede excuses behelzen en hoe je deze ook in ingewikkelde situaties kunt aanbieden. Ze besteedt ook aandacht aan de gekwetste partij die aan de ontvangende kant staat en bijvoorbeeld de neiging moet weerstaan te makkelijk te vergeven. Met prachtige anekdotes uit haar therapiepraktijk en Lerners kenmerkende humor, biedt Sorry hoor een heldere gids in het herstellen van verloren vertrouwen en een diep inzicht in menselijke relaties.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 3.8 ⭐
Before a woman is anything else, she is a daughter. Her relationship with her mother anchors every other relationship in her life. Yet as an adult she may still blame her mother, try to change her, or fail to speak out about issues that matter. Harriet Lerner on Mothers and Daughters is a personal conversation for every woman who seeks to better understand the mystery of the mother-daughter bond. Dr. Lerner illustrates why our mothers inevitably disappoint us, and why it is so hard to stay connected - and stay ourselves - when differences arise. With specific skills and guidelines for changing the patterns that keep us stuck, Harriet Lerner on Mothers and Daughters represents this esteemed psychologist's most complete work on the central relationship in the emotional lives of women.
by Harriet Lerner
Rating: 3.7 ⭐
Wohin mit meiner Wut? - Neue Beziehungsmuster für Frauen - bk523; Fischer Verlag; Harriet Goldhor Lerner; pocket_book; 1992
Written from her dual perspective as psychologist and parent, Dr. Harriet Lerner puts the spotlight on how a woman changes when she becomes a mother. Enlivened with personal tales and vivid case studies, her fascinating book shows readers why a woman's life is so different from her partner's, and how children inevitably help everyone discover things about themselves that they would otherwise never know. Demonstrating how kids are the best teachers of life's most profound spiritual lessons, The Mother Dance brims with wit and practical advice.
Harriet Lerner 3 Books Collection Set (Dance of Anger, Dance of Connection, Dance of Intimacy) Dance of Anger, A Woman's Guide To Changing The Patterns Of Intimate The renowned classic and New York Times bestseller that has transformed the lives of millions of readers, dramatically changing how women and men view relationships.Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We all have a right to everything we feel—and certainly our anger is no exception., The Dance of How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say)., The Dance of A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key In The Dance of Intimacy, the bestselling author of The Dance of Anger outlines the steps to take so that good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones can be healed. Taking a careful look at those relationships where intimacy is most challenged--by distance, intensity, or pain--she teaches us about the specific changes we can make to achieve a more solid sense of self and a more intimate connectedness with others.
by Harriet Lerner